My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
