Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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