Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
