hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
