Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
