I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
