don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
