dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
