Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
