Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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