Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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