If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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