I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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