He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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