Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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