Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
