Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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