Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
