so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
