he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
