Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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