oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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