A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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