I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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