Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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