I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
This house was built for laser tag.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
