I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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