Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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