there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
