I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
