i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
