Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
