Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
