i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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