She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
