let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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