Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
