Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
