took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize