I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
