ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Don't EVER smell your tampon
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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