bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
