Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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