I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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