also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
