Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
