well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
