if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
