SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
