i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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