3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
