I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
