i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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