I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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