i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
