yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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