Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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