how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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