my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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