Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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