I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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