i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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