I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
