I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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