Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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