I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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