:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize