Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
