Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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