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My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
