dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
