do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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