i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
