he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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