I hate all girls vehemently.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
